Below are the 4 most recent journal entries recorded in ghostrider157's LiveJournal:

Sunday, January 15th, 2006
3:10 am	Life goes on To the one who hurt me: This will be very vague but one person might understand what I mean. I wish that things worked out differently. Differently meaning in a more mature manner, not out of how I hoped (you know that blind not logical hope) that they would have worked out. I knew in my heart that that wouldn't happen, and I would never expect you to do that. It isn't a fair thing to ask. To all of my friends: Thanks for being there and being supportive even when I was intentionally being vague, regarding why I have been so miserable since wednesday night. To Moses Specifically: I am glad that you understand that calling in sick to work can be due to mental and emotional reasons and not just health. I am not sure if my boss understands that. To Laura: Thank you. In so many ways Thank you. I know you don't have myspace and therefor probably won't read this, but even though you are in spain and couldn't give me that hug you mentioned. I still really appreciated the email. If I can scrape together the money, I am going to try and make it out there at some point this spring. If I don't I owe you a drink, when you come home. Life is filled with happiness and sadness. I guess January is just not going to be a good month. Maybe I will find some happiness when January ends, or respectivly when I go to Burlington on monday. Who knows, anything can happen. Thursday after I opened myself up and got steped on I went to the liquer store where a close friend of mine works. I was talking to her and I decided "hey my day can't get any worse, why don't I try the Lottery" I went and I bought that big $20 ticket, you know the one where you have like six or seven different games. Well not only did I recover the initial $20, but I walked out with an additional $30. Hey thats just about a quarter of what my new Red Light cost. So in that regard I guess my life isn't that bad. Current Mood: Hurt, sick, but recovering (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, January 14th, 2006
2:18 am	Wow Looking back on what I wrote last night, wow. My life ain't that bad. I love being a firefighter and a first responder, so why would I let one young lady ruin all of that for me. There is no reason to quit a career that I could be very happy (that may not be the right word) doing, just because I had a regretable encounter with someone that I had grown to love. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, January 13th, 2006
2:08 am	Why Me? Why must my life be so complicated? Why can't I just live a simple life? I asked a friend a question that is now driving away at me. Why do I bother trying to save other peoples lives, so that they can be happy, and go on to Love people? why do I do this when I can't find someone who will love me? Why must my life just have misery, with a few short bits of happiness, when those bits of happiness are just ripped moments later like a sick fucking joke? There is one person that this is aimed at, and I am not going to say who. I want to hate them so fucking much, but I can't. I should have seen this coming but my mind got blindsided. Maybe I was right a few months ago, when I wanted to leave vermont. Leave the east fucking coast. Go back to LA and Never Look back, because if I had done that then this whole thing never would have happened. Right now I hope I can find some excuse to never go back to any Emergency training class again. I was not the one to Join up with the Fire Department because it looks good on a resumé or to meet girls who just have a weakness for the concept of a firefighter. I joined because I wanted to save people, and maybe, just maybe it would give my life meaning. So far the only thing it has given me is pain. Maybe I should not do this. Maybe I should go to that dead end boring fucking job that I have that actually pays my bills and let that be my life. Go to work, come home, go to work. Maybe go back to college so I can do something that will allow me to leave this state at some point in my fucking life. Never the less there is one town, one right in the middle of this state that will just remind me of heart ache forever. Current Mood: Sad, Angry, Depressed, Hurt (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 17th, 2005
11:06 pm	I hate people sometimes My first entry, wow. I didn't realize how much I could bitch in one fifteen minute car ride. Sometimes people just really piss me off. I understand that people have bad days. However that is not reason to take it out on other people or animals. Oh and pulling seniority because of age really erks me. I dunno, one of my friends is helping me out with it Later all (2 Comments |Comment on this)